grandprix.com  > FIA announces future F1 plans

The FIA have gone ahead and announced that all Formula One teams will either have severe restriction or go for a new £40m budget cap.

The teams are shifting uncomforatably in their luxury seats as the penny pinching begins.

Refuelling, tyre blankets and P. Diddy will be banned from next season.

This will possibly lead to 26 cars on next years grid.

Hello there! I am Fake Jenson Button, one of the many members of the Fake F1 gang on Twitter. I was asked if I would also like to fake blog, and of course I was all for it, as I am the best choice as leader of fake championship points and winner of three fake races.

Before qualifying, as it was Fake Felipe Massa’s birthday, I gave him probably the greatest gift he could ask for: a Lego Ferrari. I believe everyone still knows it is a much better car than the one he is currently driving. I would not be surprised if he showed up in Barcelona with it, though that would also mean he found a way to shrink to one-tenth his size. Qualifying went well for me, not the best, but I didn’t get screwed like Fake Mark Webber…more on that later.

So for this race, I started fourth, which I still believe was karma for taking a jar of Nutella from Fake Jarno Trulli earlier in the week. But actually, I feel all the other fake drivers have become much more competitive, and the arrival of my fake father in a huge way I would expect more of Fake Lewis Hamilton’s father had me off guard. It was no problem to get around Fake Hamilton though, and I never had to get stuck behind my new pokemon…you may know him as Nelson Piquet, Jr., but I know him as Slowpoke-quet. There were rumors that Fake Bruno Senna was going to steal his car and race as him, but the kid was happy just dreaming he was me, which is a huge compliment.

Luckily my little gift to Fake Trulli paid off as he held everyone up in a Fake Trulli train and I was able to get away rather quickly. I was at times a bit bored with my 15 second lead as everyone was trapped behind Trulli and his new, giant jar of Nutella.

After I won, I wanted nothing more than a nice shower of champagne…and then I remembered where we are: Bahrain. Spraying fruit juice around does not have the same effect whatsoever. It’s alright though because as soon as I am done here, I’ll make up for it. You cannot stop Fake Jenson Button from getting the champagne he deserves.

Finally I want to let everyone know that my butt-burn is now perfectly fine, or at least quite numb. I caused Fake Sebastian Vettel to become quite embarrassed in the press conference, but hey he offered! He did get me ice after all, there was no massaging from the kid, sorry to ruin any of your fake F1 driver fantasies, girls.

Before everyone leaves Bahrain, Fake Felipe Massa, Fake Mark Webber, and I plan to challenge Force India to a Mario Kart Battle. We’re certain to win, and if necessary, we will have banana peels and shells next race to get them off the track.

Until next race, you can find me on Twitter, more than likely conversing with other fake drivers and with my fans. Be sure to check us all out, and see you in Spain!

grandprix.com > McLaren decision

The FIA very sensibly didn’t throw the book, the bell and the candle at McLaren today and took the scapegoating, resigning  and grovelling as victory enough, leaving just a suspended sentence just in case any more blood is found on any more hands.

That penalty is a suspension of the team from three races of the FIA Formula 1 World Championship. This will only be applied if further facts emerge regarding the case or if, in the next 12 months, there is a further breach by the team of article 151c of the International Sporting Code.”

Let’s hope they buy some soap…

The first dry race of the season brings the best chance so far to see the raw pace of the teams without silly (exciting) things like rain, safety cars and steward rulings.

Nick Heidfeld gets the most consecutive finishes ever finishing last. Superb. And in the same vein, Mark Webber stays lucky.

But the Toyota’s seemed depressed by race end - not being able to capitalise on their 1-2 in qualifying and despite being too hot for his fair skin, Jenson Button won his 3rd race of the season.

Kevin watched the race in bed, and Terry didn’t watch it until later thanks to ‘family commitments’.

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No jokes there isn’t time or as Graham Hill once said “Time is of the essence…and I very short of essence” perhaps I should say “Time is money….. and I’m very short of money”.

Watch Graham Hill:Driven on the BBC iPlayer before you run out of money or essence.

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