The Silverstone Grand Prix podcast is coming but like Lewis we won’t be finishing where we thought we would so in the meantime here is a little story (some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty).

Are you sitting in pole position then I shall begin…..

In a land far from the disused airfields of Northamptonshire a family of four lived. The father of the family, Kevin, had moved to Londinum seeking fame and fortune some 15 years ago, sadly his dream had still not been realised instead he spent most of his time driving from dingy pub to dingy pub telling jokes to largely unappreciative crowds.  Aside from the love of his family one thing kept Kevin from depression and despair, Formula One.  Every spare moment he had he would devote to his beloved sport. Unfortunately Kevin’s wife Tina did not share his enthusiasm for all things F1, as the true matriarch of this family she saw it as a threat to her unconditional leadership, she was very dominant and was never happier than when she was cracking the whip.  Although this seed of discord existed from the beginning of their relationship it had previously never managed to germinate.  Mainly thanks to the distraction of their beautiful children Ellie, a 8 year old girl who curiously had white curly shoulder length hair and an almost uncontrollable passion for blue tinted sun glasses and Chloe, a very short, grey haired, 5 year old who had a tendency to answer complete gibberish to any direct question.

However, this odd but completely fictional families tranquil existence was about to be shattered.

It was the Friday before Fathers Day. Although Kevin expected nothing more than the usual homemade card and packet of wine gums he knew this Fathers Day would be different. This year Fathers Days fell on the same day as the Silverstone Grand Prix which meant he could watch the race with none of the usual objections as it was his day and he could do what HE wanted, and for that reason he was very excited.

Sat at home in front of his computer his excitement temporarily turned to fear as he heard the key in the door which heralded the return of his wife and children from school (Tina had taken a job at the school as Kevin’s wages alone were not enough to support Ellie’s growing collection of blue tinted sunglasses), luckily he managed to close his Fantasy Formula One team page and open his expenses spread sheet just before his wife entered the room.

“Don’t move, stay right here or you will be punished,” she yelled. He heard the children chuckling, bags rustling and a cupboard door slam.  Still smiling they all came back into the front room “What have you been up to?” he asked. “Ask Max,” Chloe blurted in her usual nonsensical fashion. “It’s a Fathers Day surprise,” Ellie tittered. “It’s a Fleetwood shocker” shouted Chloe.

Kevin immediately knew what this meant, although Chloe largely made no sense after five years he had been able to establish that Fleetwood referred to F1. Not wanting to ruin their surprise he kept this to himself and let the conversation tail off before returning to his spread sheet.

Fathers Day and more importantly the day of the Silverstone Grand Prix arrived. The kids ran in with the obligatory still wet and sticky, part glitter, part paper mache card and wine gums screaming “HAPPY FATHERS DAY!” like it was a war cry rather than term of endearment. Then, as quickly as they had arrived they left, oh the ‘Fleetwood shocker’ what could it be, surely not tickets? At £300 for decent seat even Kevin saw that as a swift two fingers to the fans, besides there was no way Tina would sanction that. Before he could speculate further the girls returned with a box so big they both had to carry it. “Surprise!” they both sang in unison. He could hardly believe his eyes, a remote controlled, 2003, Michael Schumacher Ferrari. Even though it was a Ferrari and Kevin had been a Brawn GP man since he was a small boy he was choked, he started to stammer “but, ba, um, um,” Chloe interrupted “be cool baby be cool.”

Tina had seen enough however and bought him back down to earth with a bump, “It’s not yours! Do you honestly think that we could afford such a gift? What with Ellie continuing to spend millions of pounds on ridiculous sun glasses, if I had my way she would just close her eyes or squint when it gets a bit bright. It belongs to Chloe the school were given it and they want you to put it together. You are not allowed to play with it but you must construct it with the care and attention of a heart surgeon.” Kevin’s blood boiled, “What? What….are you some kind of sadomasochist, what sort of sick and twisted treat is this?” Tina tried and failed hide her glee “You thought it was yours, gotcha,” Ellie looked over the top of her glasses and whispered “It’s not fair I want one,” she gradually stated to get louder and louder until her face turned red with her exertions “I WANT ONE!”. “You can’t have one it’s Chloe’s” snapped Tina. “I WANT ONE!” she persisted. Tina’s initial glee turned to amazement “that kids a lunatic”.

The shouting and hollering continued all morning, Tina hid behind her position of authority, Ellie continued to covert the shiny toys and in-between Chloe talked bollocks. Despite the fact that it was an out of date Ferrari from the dark processional days Kevin made the car. He made it because he loved Formula One, he will always love Formula one, not A1GP, not BTCC, not Mr and Mrs Money bags fuck off and have their own party Prix, it had been shit before and it’ll probably be shit again before he dies. But for the time being it was great he didn’t care he shut the door of the lounge so the screaming became a dull murmur opened his wine gums and sat back to watch the Silverstone Grand Prix, it was the last one so it was bound to be three hours of non stop thrills and spills…..