In all my years as an F1 fan I’ve told the telly, various drivers and Bernie to ‘fuck off’ more times than I care to remember. But this time I mean it.

Due to the prices I’ve never seen an F1 race live. I’d dearly love to but at £300 for a ticket with a halfway decent view I’ve often fantasized but in the back of my mind I always knew this was never really going to happen.

Now that poisonous, bullshitting, evil, old cunt Bernie has gone and sold some (lets face it all) of the broadcast rights to Sky. I can’t believe I’m surprised him and Murdoch have so much in common the deal was a foregone conclusion before they’d even met.

So as I see it I have a choice pay for a Sky subscription (£487.00 per year for normal definition or £610 for HD) or cobble the season together with the scraps the intertnet, radio and various websites will have to offer.

FUCK OFF!

I love F1 I really do but this is just too much, I’m sure some will say that a true fan would pay the fee and get on with it. Well fine I’m not a real fan. In fact from the end of this season I won’t be a fan at all.

I’m bidding F1 goodbye, there are some really decent people working in and around F1 and thanks to this podcast I’ve had the pleasure of  meeting some of them.  I’ve met and conversed with people who listen to the podcast and they all seemed thoroughly decent too. So it’s not a decision I’m taking lightly.

I will instead spend weekends with my family who will be more than happy that whole weekends aren’t written off as ‘Daddy needs to watch the Grand Prix’.

I’ll miss it, but I’m sure I’ll also get over it.

I’m currently in Edinburgh performing my solo show Kevin Shepherd: Caronicle so in amongst the stress of getting it ready watching cars go round and round is the least of my concerns. If your in Edinburgh come and see it, unlike F1 and just like the podcast it’s FREE! I’m sure my mood will have improved  before the first show on the 4th August.

But once the summer break is done I will concentrate on enjoying this season and soaking up all it has to offer.

But come 2012 F1 can FUCK OFF!

Yesterday’s #whereswebby competition was won by @GrandPrixDiary who runs the excellent www.Grandprixdiary.com website.

However, after discovering that we were not given the book and had in fact nicked it, he has decided that handling stolen goods is a crime to far and that we should give it to a loyal Team Lotus fan.

So while in his second home (the pub) he came up with an uber tricky question, so continuing the theme/our unhealthy obsession with Team Lotus Press officer Tom Webb here it is:

What is the Tom’s favourite daily cheese (i.e a cheese he eats daily) ?

Follow and tweet your answer to @a_f1podcast & @GrandPrixDiary with the tag #ComplicatedCheeseQuiz and the first correct answer wins.

But wait dear reader/listener/watcher you could also win a Team Lotus cap signed by both drivers!

www.Granprixdiary.com is running a seperate competition. If you guess by happy accident guess Tom’s special weekend cheese you win the cap.

The competitions closes at the end of the Spanish Grand Prix and the winner or winners will be announced when Grand Prix Diary gets back from the pub.

Get tweeting cheesemongers!

P.S Here for those who missed it is yesterdays #whereswebby

P.P.S The first person to suggest knob wins a smack in the chops

P.P.P.S We reckon like everything else in Tom’s life it’s probably yellow and green

P.P.P.P.S We don’t actual know the answer @grandprixdiary and @tw_teamlotus do so by all means ask them they may tell you.

This weekend during the Spanish Grand Prix, we’ll be doing something we haven’t done for ages. We’re going to give away a prize!

During our day out at Duxford when we should have been concentrating on filming (so sorry) and interviewing, we were in fact blagging our way into a press conference we weren’t invited to. At the end of said press conference using the press wrist band we weren’t supposed to have we got given (asked for/nicked) this book .

Racked with guilt we have decided to do the right thing and give it away (pass on stolen goods) as a prize.

The competition is simple first you MUST follow us on Twitter we are @a_f1podcast.

While watching either the qualifying or race (On the BBC, sorry the rest of the world) you are looking to spot Team Lotus press officer and all round nice guy Tom Webb, so far such is his lust for media coverage (he’s been on telly more than some of the drivers) he’s made an appearance at every single race.

When you spot him you need to tweet ‘@a_f1podcast There he is! #whereswebby’

The first one we receive wins the book (rrp £29.99).

Below are some images of Tom and a good example of a #whereswebby spot from Turkey. You can also see what he looks and sounds like in action on our Team Lotus Visit Video.

Good luck*

* like all of our podcasts, videos and web content we reserve the right to cock this competition right up but rest assured it is not our deliberate intention. If for some reason Tom doesn’t make an appearance we’ll run the competition at the next Grand Prix.

If you are playing in the Autosport Fantasy Formula One league come and join our friends and enemies league.

See if you can beat last years returning champion Doug Rattray or simply relish the thought of calling us losers*.

Our friends and enemies league can be found here pin is 1133.

*For the record Terry lost last year and therefore is the biggest loser.

War, huh! What is good for? absolutely nothing……if you discount arms sales, regime change, combat experience, liberating the repressed and killing evil dictators.

But I digress, most of you will be aware that in a moment of jealous rage we (TERRY!) started a flame war with sidepodcast. After a few tentative exchanges our flame war soon degenerated into a skirmish of mutual admiration and respect.

We now realize this is no way to win a flame war (even a shit one). So we have a cunning plan and it goes like this….

Prior to the Australian Grand Prix Team Lotus super fan Amy Fulton was cheated out of a prize by some twatting tweeter at @ausgrandprix. If you want full details read the article written by the wonderful and talented Christine Blachford its right here.

If you cant be bothered take it from us SHE WAS ROBBED! But fear not we can still help Amy go to the ball.

AirAisa are running an  F1 Fanzone Uber fan GP Comp competition on Facebook, the afore mentioned Amy Fulton is a contender. Sadly right now she’s not doing too well. So what you have to do is this.

1. Go to the http://www.facebook.com/AirAsiaAustralia and like them
2. Go to to Amy’s picture which is HERE
3. LIKE IT! (i.e click the little blue word that says like)
4. Write in the comments ‘AnotherF1Podcast told me to do’ it OR if you really have to ‘Sidepodcast told me to do it’

Once the competition is closed and they’ve presumably announced that someone else who entered a  totally different competition is the winner. We’ll add up the comments and bring #theworldsshittestflamewar to a lovely end.

Don’t be all ‘get the chain to no1′ on us you largely apathetic and silent fuckers, *sounds the trumpet* this is it the final show down, your podcast needs you. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

With adjustable rear wings fast becoming our sports very own off side rule. We at another f1 podcast thought it was time to check up on the rules, ask some very important questions of very important people and then decipher the results and report back to you. Sadly we ran out of said ‘time’ and have just made this flow chart to help the drivers avoid any embarrassing faux pas on the first day back at work.

Click the fuzzy (Terry can put a non blurry image in a post but I’m having a bit of trouble) image below and all will be revealed.

Lotus Renault GP (Glib Phony) launched its new/nicked livery at the Autosport International Show, and considering that they had chosen to launch it there Autosport remained incredibly impartial and were in nooooooo way sycophantic.

The Lotus naming saga is getting pretty boring really, the only thing that is interesting about the whole tawdry saga is the amount of people who are happy to line up to suck a bit of corporate Renault cock in exchange for some of their dirty dosh.

We’re not unaware how sycophantic we are currnelty being (thank you Team Lotus for letting us come visit) and when it was Team Lotus that was using the black and gold livery we thought it was a great idea.

But now it’s the ‘enemy’ (still the same team that cheated Piquet Jr into a wall) we can get on our high horse and say boo to the idea of tobacco colors coming back (has JPS done a backhander of massive proportions).

This is going to run and run (The Lotus naming saga, not the new Renault), but us with long memories in F1 (not long enough to remember Actual Lotus in their heyday) won’t be able to see the team as English, honorable and all about the fans…..Hang on what’s that whirring sound? Is it KERS? Nope I’m pretty sure it’s the sound of Colin Chapman spinning in his grave.

As the media, Max and possibly the German fans are shunning Bernie ahead of this weekends race. We were not too surprised when he agreed to answer a few question from yours truly.

AF1P: Bernie, you have recently praised Hitler and Saddam Hussein for their leadership skills and blamed the Jews for current banking crisis and we were wondering if there where any other pearls of wisdom you would care to impart?

Bernie: There are plenty of things I would like to share but it seems that political correctness has gone mad.

AF1P: Yeeeeah! Sorry Bernie we’re play racist old nut case bingo and already we’ve filled a square. Anyway Bernie don’t feel you have to edit yourself here, remember what goes on on the internet, stays on the internet.

Bernie: Thanks lads I’ve heard of the internet I think it sounds amazing you put a bit of paper in a telephone and then someone on the other side of the world can read the same bit of paper. Not that I spend much time talking to anyone outside my postcode, dirty foreign Norfolk bastards coming over here stealing our hair dye.

AF1P: Ok Mein Führer, lets get down to the nitty gritty. There must be some method to your madness is there anyone who really sticks out as being ‘too bad for Bernie’.

Bernie: Nope.

AF1P: What about the prolific serial killer Harold Shipman?

Bernie: Say what you like about the man but he did more to cut national health waiting lists than any government has managed.

AF1P: He killed 218 oaps?

Bernie: The man had vision you can’t make an omelette without poisoning a few coffin dodgers.

Terry has to leave the room briefly to vomit in the sink.

AF1P: What about Mugabe?

Bernie: Lovely chap, in fact Shippers, Mugsy and me all used to go to the same opticians.

AF1P: What do you think of the Daily Mail?

Bernie: Wishy washy liberal nonsense, I get my bedtime reading direct from Nick Griffin.

AF1P: Bernie they say you get more right wing as you get older, is there anywhere left for you to go?

Bernie: Of course! This weekend from my forward operations base at the Nürburgring I’m planing to go 700 miles to the right if you know what I mean. Got to get things done…..

At this point Bernie winked, tapped his nose and goose stepped out of AnotherF1podcast towers. He was last seen trying to hail a cab as only he and the Nazis know how.

The Silverstone Grand Prix podcast is coming but like Lewis we won’t be finishing where we thought we would so in the meantime here is a little story (some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty).

Are you sitting in pole position then I shall begin…..

In a land far from the disused airfields of Northamptonshire a family of four lived. The father of the family, Kevin, had moved to Londinum seeking fame and fortune some 15 years ago, sadly his dream had still not been realised instead he spent most of his time driving from dingy pub to dingy pub telling jokes to largely unappreciative crowds.  Aside from the love of his family one thing kept Kevin from depression and despair, Formula One.  Every spare moment he had he would devote to his beloved sport. Unfortunately Kevin’s wife Tina did not share his enthusiasm for all things F1, as the true matriarch of this family she saw it as a threat to her unconditional leadership, she was very dominant and was never happier than when she was cracking the whip.  Although this seed of discord existed from the beginning of their relationship it had previously never managed to germinate.  Mainly thanks to the distraction of their beautiful children Ellie, a 8 year old girl who curiously had white curly shoulder length hair and an almost uncontrollable passion for blue tinted sun glasses and Chloe, a very short, grey haired, 5 year old who had a tendency to answer complete gibberish to any direct question.

However, this odd but completely fictional families tranquil existence was about to be shattered.

It was the Friday before Fathers Day. Although Kevin expected nothing more than the usual homemade card and packet of wine gums he knew this Fathers Day would be different. This year Fathers Days fell on the same day as the Silverstone Grand Prix which meant he could watch the race with none of the usual objections as it was his day and he could do what HE wanted, and for that reason he was very excited.

Sat at home in front of his computer his excitement temporarily turned to fear as he heard the key in the door which heralded the return of his wife and children from school (Tina had taken a job at the school as Kevin’s wages alone were not enough to support Ellie’s growing collection of blue tinted sunglasses), luckily he managed to close his Fantasy Formula One team page and open his expenses spread sheet just before his wife entered the room.

“Don’t move, stay right here or you will be punished,” she yelled. He heard the children chuckling, bags rustling and a cupboard door slam.  Still smiling they all came back into the front room “What have you been up to?” he asked. “Ask Max,” Chloe blurted in her usual nonsensical fashion. “It’s a Fathers Day surprise,” Ellie tittered. “It’s a Fleetwood shocker” shouted Chloe.

Kevin immediately knew what this meant, although Chloe largely made no sense after five years he had been able to establish that Fleetwood referred to F1. Not wanting to ruin their surprise he kept this to himself and let the conversation tail off before returning to his spread sheet.

Fathers Day and more importantly the day of the Silverstone Grand Prix arrived. The kids ran in with the obligatory still wet and sticky, part glitter, part paper mache card and wine gums screaming “HAPPY FATHERS DAY!” like it was a war cry rather than term of endearment. Then, as quickly as they had arrived they left, oh the ‘Fleetwood shocker’ what could it be, surely not tickets? At £300 for decent seat even Kevin saw that as a swift two fingers to the fans, besides there was no way Tina would sanction that. Before he could speculate further the girls returned with a box so big they both had to carry it. “Surprise!” they both sang in unison. He could hardly believe his eyes, a remote controlled, 2003, Michael Schumacher Ferrari. Even though it was a Ferrari and Kevin had been a Brawn GP man since he was a small boy he was choked, he started to stammer “but, ba, um, um,” Chloe interrupted “be cool baby be cool.”

Tina had seen enough however and bought him back down to earth with a bump, “It’s not yours! Do you honestly think that we could afford such a gift? What with Ellie continuing to spend millions of pounds on ridiculous sun glasses, if I had my way she would just close her eyes or squint when it gets a bit bright. It belongs to Chloe the school were given it and they want you to put it together. You are not allowed to play with it but you must construct it with the care and attention of a heart surgeon.” Kevin’s blood boiled, “What? What….are you some kind of sadomasochist, what sort of sick and twisted treat is this?” Tina tried and failed hide her glee “You thought it was yours, gotcha,” Ellie looked over the top of her glasses and whispered “It’s not fair I want one,” she gradually stated to get louder and louder until her face turned red with her exertions “I WANT ONE!”. “You can’t have one it’s Chloe’s” snapped Tina. “I WANT ONE!” she persisted. Tina’s initial glee turned to amazement “that kids a lunatic”.

The shouting and hollering continued all morning, Tina hid behind her position of authority, Ellie continued to covert the shiny toys and in-between Chloe talked bollocks. Despite the fact that it was an out of date Ferrari from the dark processional days Kevin made the car. He made it because he loved Formula One, he will always love Formula one, not A1GP, not BTCC, not Mr and Mrs Money bags fuck off and have their own party Prix, it had been shit before and it’ll probably be shit again before he dies. But for the time being it was great he didn’t care he shut the door of the lounge so the screaming became a dull murmur opened his wine gums and sat back to watch the Silverstone Grand Prix, it was the last one so it was bound to be three hours of non stop thrills and spills…..

No jokes there isn’t time or as Graham Hill once said “Time is of the essence…and I very short of essence” perhaps I should say “Time is money….. and I’m very short of money”.

Watch Graham Hill:Driven on the BBC iPlayer before you run out of money or essence.

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