here is our team guide in all its glory - come back in 6 months when half the drivers have been sacked and the new ones with promise are languishing at the back of the grid.

Jenson Button

The world champion baby. Expect him to act like a big baby throughout the year when his setup isn’t perfect. Proven to not deal very well with pressure last year, hence the move to McLaren where he’ll be under no pressure to win.

Lewis Hamilton

Has divorced his dad and told how he nearly quit. Expect him to be in a lot of adverts this year.

Michael Schumacher

If he wins people will shrug their shoulders and say “so what” if he loses we’ll all point and laugh.

Nico Rosberg

Is he going from looking good in an average car to looking average next to a seven time world champion?

Felippe Massa

Recovered from spring-gate. Will have an excuse for losing to Alonso.

Fernando Alonso

Will have forgotten what it’s like to not have a pliable team-mate. Expect him to chain Massa’s Ferrari to a lamp-post.

Sebastian Vettel

What a sense of humour this man has, really. So whacky.

Mark Webber

Has finally broken his duck after breaking his leg. Will this year break him into the big time, or his neck?

Rubens Barrichello

Still here, impressive.

Nico Hulkenberg

No jokes about making him angry. Any driver that rams him gets a tenner from me.

Robert Kubica

Pretending he’s done the right thing.

Vitaly Petrov

No idea, but probably has a big yacht.

Adrian Sutil

Must stop crashing.

Vitantonio Liuzzi

Looking less like a cock than in previous years.

Sebastian Beumi

Actually, no idea.

Jaime Alguersuari

Ditto

Jarno Trulli

Scared to be alone

Heikki Kovalainen

Relieved to be away from those pesky winning teams

Karun Chandok

Um…

Bruno Senna

The biggest chance of disappointment on the gird only behind Schumacher

Pedro De La Rosa

His moment in the sun,the last time he raced in a Grand Prix Luca Badoer was a hot young thing.

Kamui Kobayashi

The bullet train as he’s now called.

Timo Glock

Running out of funny things about average drivers

Lucas Di Grassi

See above