The dullest race of the year wasn’t quite as dull as it always is. But Terry and Kevin squeeze some life out of Nick Fry’s balls and muck about like it’s the last day of term.

Massa’s ability is called into question, Ferrari’s F-duct is laughed at, Jenson gets the freedom of Frome, Terry does not get the same treatment from his home town.

Chandok get’s docked points for the Anthony Davidson Underdog Trophy Award and Lewis ruins his tyres again as Mr boring wins the race that suits him most and the boys uncover the fact that Eddie Jordan did not run the marathon

2010 Spanish Grand Prix Podcast

A slightly belated podcast thanks to Terry being too busy to enjoy himself in which they discuss Vettel’s gypsy curse and how Webber is being grumpy.

Also, Lewis being petulant, knee jerk reactions to the dull race and the wish for rain everywhere.

And Terry being very tired after a gig with a cunt

2010 Australian Grand Prix Podcast

Alonso has gone out and won his first race for Ferrari, putting him right up there with some of the Prancing Horse greats (and Raikkonen) and helping to erase last years horrible anus for the team.

A Ferrari 1-2 was a shot in the arm for them, but mostly came at the expense of Vettel who had to drive around in car so tightly packaged it has to breathe in just to get the engine cover on and a broken spark plug acted like a butt plug for Seb*

But the main story of day really was that nothing really happened.

After a couple of great seasons with wonderful racing (sometimes) and going down to the wire, the changes to refueling and tyres seem to have not only spread the field right back out but also taught all the drivers to back off.

In what has been lauded (rightfully) as the most exciting season ever, with four champions on the grid, the cars close etc, etc. it’s hard to see quite how they’ve made it so dull.

Granted, Bahrain is not the best track in the world for overtaking anyway, but this race was hardly a fitting season opener for a season like this.

The refueling ban should have added a whole extra element of strategy to the randomness of the outcome and calls for people to pit, would the cleverer teams make good calls and cut that horrible overtaking in the pitlane nonsense?

No, the only significant overtaking (Vettel aside) was in the pits.

So now, running around like a chicken with its head cut off and to change the rules now is going to be knee jerk.But the problem perhaps is that the tyres are too good, Bridgestone need to add in some bits of glass to the mix or something to spark up the racing. As it stands the cars can all sail around for ages yet not want to go too fast in case they ruin the tyres.

It’s yet again the shortsightedness of the rulemakers, on paper tyres that fuck up are good for the show as people will have to pit more, in practice the teams will do their utmost to make sure they don’t fuck up the tyres. This was the kind of race where I was willing for a NASCAR style pace car to come up just to try and bunch up the pack.

The new teams did their bit, with only Pretend Lotus finishing. Showing that they may well be a proper midfield team by year end.

Can’t help but feel that they’ve gone and ruined F1, and only use hopeless addicts will stay tuned?

*this assuming that Seb doesn’t like butt plugs, if he does then this analogy doesn’t work so well.

12:41:18 PM: Who’s going to fuck their tyres first? #f1

12:42:26 PM: I’d imagine being rory bremners friend would get very tedious #f1

12:45:18 PM: Go on brindle, punch him #f1

12:52:12 PM: Senna says he hopes to stays in the race long enough to be lapped. Is that a old kers system I hear, or his uncle spinning in his grave.

12:54:20 PM: terry nearly wins eddie jordans shirt prediction, went for blue but with pink pattern… Where’s the pink pattern eddie??? #f1

12:56:24 PM: Meat raffle in progress

12:56:45 PM: is there a way of watching the bbc iplayer feed in quicktime? want to make it bigger but not fullscreen

1:00:54 PM: Parade lap - come on chandok! #f1

1:02:02 PM: Sutil qualified on hard tyres i think, watch out for him looking impressive… then crashing out #f1

1:04:37 PM: Webber rubbish at parking #f1

1:05:22 PM: the red bull proving its reliability as ever #f1

1:06:12 PM: Wacky races start by dick darstedly

1:06:53 PM: Sutil has fucked it already? #f1

1:08:07 PM: fancy expensive iphone app on #f1

1:08:29 PM: chandok!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

1:09:04 PM: Karun hits glass celing

1:10:08 PM: virgin having a little wander

1:11:06 PM: Webbers smoke did look a bit wacky races #f1

1:11:17 PM: Which is greener the track or drivers?

1:13:07 PM: Williams pit radio chaps trying to desperately calm down the hulk, don’t want to make him angry #f1

1:26:18 PM: Dear bernie, can you make something happen please? #f1

1:27:06 PM: Lewis save your tyres? Doesn’t he always?

1:28:38 PM: I’m hoping if things stay dull, they’ll divert the cars on the 4×4 section of the track.

1:29:53 PM: Cool super slow mo of the Sauber……..oh no just a slow Sauber

1:33:19 PM: good moody distant camera angle for petrovs pit stop

1:33:39 PM: Ctrl+ Alt+Delete

1:35:15 PM: Pet Shop retires.

1:38:58 PM: GO BUTTON!!!!!

1:39:12 PM: the red bull and toro rosso do still look quite similar… has anybody actually checked it’s not bought from the mother team?

1:43:35 PM: so, if lotus hang on in they’ve won the new teams prize… lets bring back the Colin Chapman trophy

1:45:58 PM: Never in the history of F1 have so many retired in such a dull fashion.

1:50:09 PM: Horner “unfortunately Mark is faster than the cars in front and he’s going to have to overtake them on track” Fuck No! We wouldn’t want that

1:52:41 PM: don’t forget that on the last lap all the cars have to move out of the way to let Schumacher through #f1

1:53:53 PM: Frustration to find a way past? Do some fucking overtaking!

1:58:36 PM: Problem with these new tyre rules having to look after them is that every race is going to have these dull sections #seemsobviousinhindsight

1:59:36 PM: RT @FarceCars @a_f1podcast overtaking is strictly prohibited under section 23.4a of the FIA boring race mandate. #F1 #Bahrain

2:00:42 PM: Dear Crown Prince of Bahrain, go outside and look at what you’ve done. #f1

2:03:39 PM: Crown Prince of Bahrain ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’

2:05:13 PM: Can someone do something to bring out the safety car? #f1

2:06:24 PM: apparently Button has attached a a tube to his fancy knee hole thing and is playing the car like a kazoo #f1

2:08:57 PM: vettels race engineer has diplomatic immunity #lameleathelweaponjoke

2:12:29 PM: that red bull is sick! Yes, I think the colours are quite nice too

2:16:56 PM: Bernie Button to the rescue.

2:18:52 PM: Rocky: “I can play eye of the tiger through the radio if you like”

2:20:17 PM: F1 the pinacle of motorsport! My knackered VW polo is more reliable.

2:27:47 PM: vettel and alonso are twitter trending topics #f1

2:28:37 PM: Is anyone going to run out of fuel?

2:34:14 PM: Schumacher isn’t even close enough to cheat.

2:43:06 PM: Do you reckon Alonso can only be world champion while Schumacher is racing?

2:52:05 PM: i can’t remember if i like alonso or not right now #f1

3:03:58 PM: trying to use iphone app to scan barcodes on massas overalls

3:09:59 PM: Schumacher just looks like he doesn’t give a shit any more

Sebastian Vettel has shut everybody up by getting on pole for the first race of 2010. despite all the talk of button and Alonso and Schumacher moving teams, Vettel just carried on as he’d left off 2009

The more interesting story was of the inter team rivalries and the winners and losers contained therein.

McLaren - Hamilton won this battle, but the car looked a big dodgy for both, magic gadget knee thing or not.

Mercedes - Rosberg qualified in an average 5th place. but the story was of seven-time champion schumacher looking very average, and then having a good look at the other (better) cars in parc ferme before having a chat with the dude that weighs them all (”mt names Schumacher, that’s S…C…H, I should be on the list)

Ferrari, spring in the eye or not, Massa has gotten the better of Alonso in thi first race and looked pretty cocky about it.

Red Bull - Vettel has made Webber look a little silly. The gap between the top teams are so close that 6th won’t cut it.

Williams - Rubens has beaten the Hulk and looked relieved about it. And he is also the top driver with a tyre choice for the race.

For the new boys Virgin/Zavvi were top, just in front of Lotus and way ahead of HRT.

though it’s Chandhok who gets the newly inaugurated anotherf1podcast driver of the day award. He’s funny, chippy and did his first ever drive in the HRT car in a qualifying session, that takes balls.

Pos  Driver         Team                   Q1        Q2        Q3       
 1.  Vettel         Red Bull-Renault       1:55.029  1:53.883  1:54.101
 2.  Massa          Ferrari                1:55.313  1:54.331  1:54.242
 3.  Alonso         Ferrari                1:54.612  1:54.172  1:54.608
 4.  Hamilton       McLaren-Mercedes       1:55.341  1:54.707  1:55.217
 5.  Rosberg        Mercedes               1:55.463  1:54.682  1:55.241
 6.  Webber         Red Bull-Renault       1:55.298  1:54.318  1:55.284
 7.  Schumacher     Mercedes               1:55.593  1:55.105  1:55.524
 8.  Button         McLaren-Mercedes       1:55.715  1:55.168  1:55.672
 9.  Kubica         Renault                1:55.511  1:54.963  1:55.885
10.  Sutil          Force India-Mercedes   1:55.213  1:54.996  1:56.309
11.  Barrichello    Williams-Cosworth      1:55.969  1:55.330
12.  Liuzzi         Force India-Mercedes   1:55.628  1:55.653
13.  Hulkenberg     Williams-Cosworth      1:56.375  1:55.857
14.  de la Rosa     Sauber-Ferrari         1:56.428  1:56.237
15.  Buemi          Toro Rosso-Ferrari     1:56.189  1:56.265
16.  Kobayashi      Sauber-Ferrari         1:56.541  1:56.270
17.  Petrov         Renault                1:56.167  1:56.619
18.  Alguersuari    Toro Rosso-Ferrari     1:57.071
19.  Glock          Virgin-Cosworth        1:59.728
20.  Trulli         Lotus-Cosworth         1:59.852
21.  Kovalainen     Lotus-Cosworth         2:00.313
22.  di Grassi      Virgin-Cosworth        2:00.587
23.  Senna          HRT-Cosworth           2:03.240
24.  Chandhok       HRT-Cosworth           2:04.904

All Timing Lovingly Ripped From Autosport.com