Anthony Davidson Underdog Trophy Award
In the 80’s when F1 had some cars running turbo engines and others normally aspirated there was a separate mini award called “The Colin Chapman Trophy” named after the founder of Lotus.
Having no chance to beat the turbo cars normally this became an added extra that the likes of Jonathon Palmer won.
Now, despite engine parity and wotnot, the new teams (HRT, Virgin and, ironically, Lotus) haven’t got a chance of racing with the establishment for a little while, so we thought we’d revive these standings, in spirit, and without any permission, legal insight, or forethought..we proudly present The Anthony Davidson Underdog Trophy Award™*.
We’ll use 1980’s style points (1st 9pts, 2nd 6pts, 3rd 4pts, 4th 3pts, 5th 2pts, 6th 1pt) and will also deduct 5 point each race for amazing cock ups and award 5 bonus points for greatness or for just being upbeat despite of it all.
Standings
Canada
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 46pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 34.5pts |
| 3. | Di Grassi | 31pts |
| 4. | Glock | 20pts |
| 5. | Trulli | 6pts |
| 6. | Senna | 5pts |
| = | Buemi | 5pts |
| 7. | Davidson | 0pts |
| 8. | Mansell | -5pts |
| = | Vettel | -5pts |
| = | West | -5pts |
A Nodium*™ top spot for Kovi ends his 3 race dry spell ( I know we can hardly believe it either).
Chandock takes the next step and the bonus points for helping Button by Alonso and as we have heard his race sponsorship is in jeopardy (sadly like school kid’s he’s sponsored per lap) and we can’t let that happen, the king of smiles has to stick around and this week bags 11 points.
Di Grassi came third and also gains 5 points, as despite having to drive the last six laps in fourth gear he still managed to be 4th fastest through the speed-trap! We reckon he should use fourth for the entire race in Valencia.
Somewhat distracted by arguably the best race of the season. We break all previous rules and award yet more points to Lotus for taking part (and not wining) in the customary boat race.
In an even harder to justify move we deducted 5 point from Nigel Mansell for crashing out of the 24hr Le-mans before his kids got a chance to race.
We give our patron Anthony Davidson 5 points for at one point being 2nd in the same marathon race and then take them swiftly away as he forced the leading Corvette to crash. A move that so enraged Corvette Racings Oli Gavin that he tweeted and swiftly removed some pretty harsh tweets RT@OliGavin Anthony Davidson is a massive CUNT!
Constructors
| 1. | Virgin | 51pts |
| 2. | Lotus | 47pts |
| 3. | HRT | 39.5pts |
| 4. | Other | -10pts |
Turkey
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 37pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 23.5pts |
| 3. | Di Grassi | 22pts |
| 4. | Glock | 20pts |
| 5. | Trulli | 6pts |
| 6. | Senna | 5pts |
| = | Buemi | 5pts |
| 7. | Vettel | -5pts |
| = | West | -5pts |
Nodium*™ finishes for both Virgin drivers means for the first time this season they lead the constructors, before you reach for you calculators my pedant friends, they were helped by the first grown up scandal to hit the A.D.U.T.A competitors.
It turns out that when the company tasked with making the Lotus chassis arrived at the wind tunnel somebody had carelessly left a Force India one behind. They got busted when they were caught trying to photocopy it at a local library. So for this and for yet another hydbollick failure we are deducting 10 points from Lotus (the team not the drivers).
This weeks bonus points go to Chandock for admitting to carrying a lucky egg, we are struggling to find a more unsuitable good luck charm to carry in an F1 car. Although there is speculation that Glock has a lucky Elephant.
We also add Vettel’s name to the scoreboard as we deduct 5 points from him for being a massive bell-end.
Constructors
| 1. | Virgin | 42pts |
| 2. | Lotus | 33pts |
| 3. | HRT | 28.5pts |
| 4. | Other | -5pts |
Monaco
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 37pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 18.5pts |
| 3. | Di Grassi | 16pts |
| 4. | Glock | 11pts |
| 5. | Trulli | 6pts |
| 6. | Senna | 5pts |
| = | Buemi | 5pts |
| 5. | West | -5pts |
No, No….No, No, No, No….No, No, No, No....No, No…. theres no Nodium*™
Due to Chandock and Trulli committing the ultimate A.D.U.T.A sin of crashing into a fellow competitor (a crime which costs them both 5 pts) none of the underdogs crossed the finish line (we know Chandock and Trulli classified but they crashed into each other so like Lewis and Button at Spa last year we are choosing to ignore it, plus I’m very pleased with the obscure 2 unlimited reference) .
Chandock also receives the first A.D.U.T.A reprimand for almost loosing a hand while waving at one of his many fans as Trulli’s car mounted his.
Di Grassi is the hero of the day and gets the bonus 5 points for holding off Alonso for a few corners, until he suffered an underwear destroying tank slapper out of the tunnel which let the big bully past.
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 43pts |
| 2. | Virgin | 27pts |
| 3. | HRT | 23.5pts |
| 4. | Other | 0pts |
Spain
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 37pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 23.5pts |
| 3. | Trulli | 11pts |
| = | Di Grassi | 11pts |
| = | Glock | 11pts |
| 4. | Senna | 5pts |
| = | Buemi | 5pts |
| 5. | West | -5pts |
Nodium*™ finishes for Trulli, Glock and Di Grassi mean they receive 9,6 and 4pts each. The good news doesn’t stop there for Virgin as well bringing both of their cars home for the first time Glock gets the bonus 5 pts for causing one of the most exciting moments of an otherwise dull race by acting as a rolling road block for not one, but two front runners (Hamilton and Vettel racing out the pits and into the first corner).
In an A.D.U.T.A first we issue Chandock 2.5 pts, this decsion was not taken lightly. Kevin wanted to give him 5 pts for hitting Massa and for being hit by Algershwari (Spanish Driver hits Spanish team at Spanish Grand Prix shocker!). However Terry wanted to dock him 5 pts as in a post crash interview he admitted have a cosy little chat with Bernie where he eluded that Mr.Ecclestone had called Jamie a few names which weren’t suitable for broadcast, so for ’sucking off Bernie’ (his words not mine. Oh mighty ruler) he was to lose 5pts.
After much deliberation and after Terry had threated to start a splinter trophy (The Anthony Davidson Mediocre Underdogs Trophy Award Winners Medal Cup) we final agreed to give him 2.5 pts.
In a far less controversial move Senna is docked 5pts for a lame off, which involved no other cars on the first lap, his excuse for this early exit was equally lame, he said “The car just caught me out..” and as the old saying goes, a bad workman forgets to turn the steering tools.
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 48pts |
| 2. | HRT | 28.5pts |
| 3. | Virgin | 22pts |
| 4. | Other | 0pts |
China
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 37pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 21pts |
| 3. | Senna | 10pts |
| 4. | Di Grassi | 9pts |
| 5. | Buemi | 5pts |
| 6. | Trulli | 4pts |
| 7. | West | -5pts |
| 8. | Glock | -10pts |
Kovalainen as well as being on the top step of the Nodium*™ is awarded 5 points for at one point lapping most of the front runners by staying on the dry tyres and for beating the Hulk’s (you won’t like me when I’m mediocre) Williams.
Buemi (even thought not technically an underdog) gets 5 points in recognition of his amazing eject-able wheels crash. If Carlsberg orchestrated crashes….
Sadly Glock receives another 5 point deduction for the second race in a row. This time for still being on the jacks as everyone else started the parade lap. In Spain we fully expect him to turn up with a note from his Mum to say he can’t race as he’s got the dentist at 14:05.
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 41pts |
| 2. | HRT | 31pts |
| 3. | Other | 0pts |
| 4. | Virgin | -1pts |
Malaysia
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 23pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 17pts |
| 3. | Di Grassi | 9pts |
| 4. | Trulli | 4pts |
| = | Senna | 4pts |
| 5. | Glock | -5pts |
| = | West | -5pts |
Kovalainen awarded 5 points for carrying on despite a puncture (tangle with Di Grassi, but deemed by the race stewards** to be an unfortunate racing incident) and no chance of classification.
Glock deducted 5 points for taking Trulli off the track, any driver who crashes into another A.D.U.T.A competitor will feel our wrath! Well, be deducted 5 points anyway that’s about as wrathy as we get.
**Us, not the real ones, they’re usually twats, although this season to be honest they have been surprisingly fair.
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 27pts |
| 2. | HRT | 21pts |
| 3. | Virgin | 4pts |
| 4. | Other | -5pts |
Australia
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 18pts |
| 2. | Chandhok | 11pts |
| 3. | Trulli | 1pts |
| 4. | Di Grassi | 0pts |
| 5. | West | -5pts |
Di Grassi awarded 5 points for overtaking Schumacher
Trulli deducted 5 points for shitest retirement (Hydraulic failure before the race had started)
Comedy promoter Clyde West deducted 5 points for pissing Terry off.
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 19pts |
| 2. | HRT | 11pts |
| 3. | Virgin | 0pts |
Bahrain
Drivers
| 1. | Kovalainen | 9pts |
| 2. | Trulli | 6pts |
| 3. | Chandhok | 5pts |
| 4. | Di Grassi | -5pts |
Chandhok awarded 5 points for being so happy
Di Grassi deducted 5 point for a shit retirement (just drove off the track and parked it)
Constructors
| 1. | Lotus | 15pts |
| 2. | HRT | 5pts |
| 3. | Virgin | -5pts |
™* Totally Made-up
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