In the 80′s when F1 had some cars running turbo engines and others normally aspirated there was a separate mini award called “The Colin Chapman Trophy” named after the founder of Lotus.

Having no chance to beat the turbo cars normally this became an added extra that the likes of Jonathon Palmer won.

Now, despite engine parity and wotnot, the new teams (HRT, Virgin and, ironically, Lotus) haven’t got a chance of racing with the establishment for a little while, so we thought we’d revive these standings, in spirit, and without any permission, legal insight, or forethought..we proudly present The Anthony Davidson Underdog Trophy Award™*.

We’ll use 1980′s style points (1st 9pts, 2nd 6pts, 3rd 4pts, 4th 3pts, 5th 2pts, 6th 1pt) and will also deduct 5 point each race for amazing cock ups and award 5 bonus points for greatness or for just being upbeat despite of  it all.

Bahrain

Drivers

Chandhok awarded 5 points for being so happy

Di Grassi deducted 5 point for a shit retirement (just drove off the track and parked it)

Constructors

Australia

Drivers

Di Grassi awarded 5 points for overtaking Schumacher

Trulli deducted 5 points for shitest retirement (Hydraulic failure before the race had started)

Comedy promoter Clyde West deducted 5 points for pissing Terry off.

Constructors

Malaysia

Drivers

Kovalainen awarded 5 points for carrying on despite a puncture (tangle with Di Grassi, but deemed by the race stewards** to be an unfortunate racing incident) and no chance of classification.

Glock deducted 5 points for taking Trulli off the track, any driver who crashes into another A.D.U.T.A competitor will feel our wrath! Well, be deducted 5 points anyway that’s about as wrathy as we get.

**Us, not the real ones, they’re usually twats, although this season to be honest they have been surprisingly fair.

Constructors

China

Drivers

Kovalainen as well as being on the top step of the Nodium*™ is awarded 5 points  for at one point lapping most of the front runners by staying on the dry tyres and for beating the Hulk’s (you won’t like me when I’m mediocre) Williams.

Buemi (even thought not technically an underdog) gets 5 points in recognition of his amazing eject-able wheels crash. If Carlsberg orchestrated crashes….

Sadly Glock receives another 5 point deduction for the second race in a row. This time for still being on the jacks as everyone else started the parade lap. In Spain we fully expect him to turn up with a note from his Mum to say he can’t race as he’s got the dentist at 14:05.

Constructors

Spain

Drivers

Nodium*™ finishes for Trulli, Glock and Di Grassi mean they receive 9,6 and 4pts each. The good news doesn’t stop there for Virgin, as well as bringing both of their cars home for the first time Glock gets the bonus 5 pts for causing one of the most exciting moments of an otherwise dull race by acting as a rolling road block for not one, but two front runners (Hamilton and Vettel racing out the pits and into the first corner).

In an A.D.U.T.A first we issue Chandock 2.5 pts, this decsion was not taken lightly. Kevin wanted to give him 5 pts for hitting Massa and for being hit by Algershwari (Spanish Driver hits Spanish team at Spanish Grand Prix shocker!). However Terry wanted to dock him 5 pts as in a post crash interview he admitted have a cosy little chat with Bernie where he eluded that Mr.Ecclestone had called Jamie a few names which weren’t suitable for broadcast,  so for ‘sucking off Bernie’ (his words not mine. Oh mighty ruler) he was to lose 5pts.

After much deliberation and after Terry had threated to start a splinter trophy (The Anthony Davidson Mediocre Underdogs Trophy Award Winners Medal Cup) we final agreed to give him 2.5 pts.

In a far less controversial move Senna is docked 5pts for a lame off, which involved no other cars on the first lap, his excuse for this early exit was equally lame, he said “The car just caught me out..” and as the old saying goes, a bad workman forgets to turn the steering tools.

Constructors

Monaco

Drivers

No, No….No, No, No, No….No, No, No, No….No, No…. theres no Nodium*™

Due to Chandock and Trulli committing the ultimate A.D.U.T.A sin of crashing into a fellow competitor (a crime which costs them both 5 pts) none of the underdogs crossed the finish line (we know Chandock and Trulli classified but they crashed into each other so like Lewis and Button at Spa last year we are choosing to ignore it, plus I’m very pleased with the obscure 2 unlimited reference) .

Chandock also receives the first A.D.U.T.A reprimand for almost loosing a hand while waving at one of his many fans as Trulli’s car mounted his.

Di Grassi is the hero of the day and gets the bonus 5 points for holding off Alonso for a few corners, until he suffered an underwear destroying tank slapper out of the tunnel which let the big bully past.

Constructors

Turkey

Drivers

Nodium*™ finishes for both Virgin drivers means for the first time this season they lead the constructors, before you reach for you calculators my pedant friends, they were helped by the first grown up scandal to hit the A.D.U.T.A competitors.

It turns out that when the company tasked with making the Lotus chassis arrived at the wind tunnel and somebody had carelessly left a Force India one behind. They got busted when they were caught trying to photocopy it at a local library. So for this and for yet another hydbollick failure we are deducting 10 points from Lotus (the team not the drivers).

This weeks bonus points go to Chandock for admitting to carrying a lucky egg, we are struggling to find a more unsuitable good luck charm to carry in an F1 car. Although there is speculation that Glock has a lucky Elephant.

We also add Vettel’s name to the scoreboard as we deduct 5 points from him for being a massive bell-end.

Constructors

Canada

Drivers

A Nodium*™ top spot for Kovi ends his 3 race dry spell ( I know we can hardly believe it either).

Chandock takes the next step and the bonus points for helping Button by Alonso and as we have heard his race sponsorship is in jeopardy (sadly like school kid’s he’s sponsored per lap) and we can’t let that happen, the king of smiles has to stick around and this week bags 11 points.

Di Grassi came third and also gains 5 points, as despite having to drive the last six laps in fourth gear he still managed to be 4th fastest through the speed-trap! We reckon he should use fourth for the entire race in Valencia.

Somewhat distracted by arguably the best race of the season. We break all previous rules and award yet more points to Lotus for taking part (and not wining) in the customary boat race.

In an even harder to justify move we deducted 5 point from Nigel Mansell for crashing out of the 24hr Le-mans before his kids got a chance to race.

We give our patron Anthony Davidson 5 points for at one point being 2nd in the same marathon race and then take them swiftly away as he forced the leading Corvette to crash. A move that so enraged Corvette Racings Oli Gavin that he tweeted and quickly removed some pretty harsh tweets RT@OliGavin Anthony Davidson is a massive CUNT!

Constructors

Europe

Drivers

Despite Di Grassi securing the top step of the Nodium*™ Virgin lose their grip on the A.D.U.T.A Constructors Championship as Glock crashes into Senna and loses the obligatory 5 points.

This coupled with the other big story of the weekend helps Lotus celebrate their 500th race (?!?!?!) by retaking the top spot.

That big story being that Mike Gascoyne without a goatee means big trouble. It turns out he is like a reverse Sampson he loses a bit of facial hair and gains strength and attitude. After Kovi and Webber lightly touched he tweeted that he was ‘pissed off with Webber’ and then charged down the pit lane like Schumacher in Belgium circa 1998 to have a pop at Coultard. Who was live on air defending the Canberra Milk Kid and laying the blame for the crash firmly at Kovi’s garage door.

We may have said it before but we are going to say it again in capitals MIKE GASCOYNE WE LOVE YOU!

So not only does Kovi get five points for taking out a Webber (WHILE FIGHTING FOR POSITION FUCKTARD!!!!*) but angry Mike gets five points too.

* Our words not angry Mike’s.

Constructors

Great Britain

Drivers

Great Britian see’s that great British (Malaysian/Italian) team secure the top step of the  Nodium*™ Trulli’s first true A.D.U.T.A win.  Sadly the weekend was marred by yet another Hydbollicking failure. This time denying the A.D.U.T.A fan(s) of their six car finish holy grail (Brundle reckons you have more chance of ‘seeing a Yeti riding a Unicorn’)was Virgin and for this most boring of sins Di Grassi loses five points.

Other than this it was like watching the big boys Kovi and Glock had a battle so intense it actually made the race coverage and even got them a grown up interview with pit lane legend Ted Kravitz. We were so excited we were going to give them both 5 extra points.

Sadly the after reading the race reports we quickly changed our minds. Here are the facts Kovi is in front of Glock, the Lotus boys mess up the pit stop, Glock overtakes Kovi. Kovi overtakes Glock on the track after Glock makes an error. However………

Lotus race report

Sorry we fucked up the pit stop and Glock overtook us, Kovi sorted it out in the end and we lived happy ever after.

Virgin race report

We did a pit stop so good Glock overtook Kovi and some other stuff happened.

For this corporate PR bullshit often pedaled by those 9 other teams who we deliberately excluded from our cozy competition Branson et al lose out on those 5 bonus points, so stick that in your virtual wind tunnel Virgins.

Constructors

Germany

Drivers

The German Grand Prix, soon to be renamed the WTF Grand Prix a weekend of cheating, team orders and more moaning than a porn film. First disaster is that HRT seem to be operating a pay as you go policy and for the second race Yamamoto drives one of their cars the true travesty is that this race F1′s Mr. Happy is dropped? In an attempt to cheer him up we give Chandock the bonus points (and cross everything and wish for his speedy return).

The front runners justify their exclusion further with team orders and most of the spoilt wankers had a pop our beloved new teams, after tangling with Kovi, (ending his race) De le Tosser said “I have to say the behavior of the back markers was a serious problem over the whole race”. Well Pedro we have to say so far this season Kovi has finished more races than you, in fact in the last two races a front runner and well below average, grass, Francis Rosi look alike (thats you) have ended his races. Breath…Breath…Breath……In short fuck off! We are taking five points from you but you won’t even make our score board I’m writting De La Tosser -5 on some toilet roll, wiping my arse with it and flushing it down the toilet.

P.S only two A.D.U.T.A runners finished Timo on the Nodium*™ top spot and Di Grassi in second.

Constructors

Hungary

Drivers

Wahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! They all made it back.

Many thought this day would never come but by jingo it has.  Hamilton, Rosberg, Kubica, Sutil, and Algershwari couldn’t manage the distance but our boys could.

In honour of this auspicious occasion we will be deducting no points from no-one, not one. We will give the bonus points to Chandock who is still sadly missing but without his smile early on this day would never have been possible, so fingers crossed HRT (who leap frog Virgin in the constructors) get a new patch soon and cheer the fuck up.

Constructors

Belgium

Drivers

Spa the best circuit of the season in our eyes and after the break we were not to be disappointed.

Lotus remain the strongest of the A.D.U.T.A teams and Virgin are still behaving like pubescent teenagers.

In fact Virgin are starting show their true colours and by that we mean living up to the red in their colour scheme , in a very Ferrari whiny way after the race Di Grassi went to the stewards complaining  “From my point of view it is very clear that Kovalainen cut the chicane at turn 5 and I have brought this to the attention of the stewards. Hopefully I will know more about this soon.”

Unfortunately he took his complaints to Sir Jackie Stewart, who told him to grow the fuck up and said if he doesn’t play nicely he’ll give his toys to Chandock (WHY HRT WHY?).  Well Jackie we don’t share your patience. For behaving like a girl we are taking his five points and giving them straight to Karun .

Constructors

Italy

Drivers

Italy a circuit where no down force is an advantage should have played to the strengths/weaknesses of the A.D.U.T.A gang sadly ‘no downforce + Cosworth = same shit different circuit’. Lotus though have cottoned on and this weekend have announced they will be using Renault engines (what could possibly go wrong?).

Despite this good news they had a tough weekend Kovi struggled off the start and Trulli’s gearbox broke. However the toughest of weekends was had by one of  Yamamoto’s pit crew who found themselves used as a tyre warmer for Mr.Money as he left the pit with him still attached to the car. He received a $20,000 fine but seeing as he probably had this knocking around in his glove box we are going to hit him where it really hurts and take away five A.D.U.T.A points.

Where there is a zero there must of course be a hero and this time it’s Timo Glock. He qualifying 21st but had to have a gearbox change which meant he dropped 5 places to 26th behind all of his competitors plus an entirely fictional driver that no-one else could see (We still miss you Karun) . Off the start he took the lot of them except for Trulli but once he retired the Nodium*™ was his.

P.S in other news two races after we reprimanded  De La Rossa Sauber have dropped him, be warned!

Constructors

Singapore

Drivers

Night, Night, Yamamoto. After his GBH in Italy, HRT think its best if he waits by his mechanics BED until he regains consciousness. Great we thought could this mean that Chandock is finally back. Nope! HRT continue to employ supply teachers and this time Mr.Klien is in charge of bottom set.

Senna crashed into Kobayashi and rather than hold his hands up started trying to blame the marshal’s for his inability to use his steering wheel, brakes and frikin EYES! So he loses 5 points.

Kovi gets 10 points for not only the most spectacular fire we have seen in years (+5) but for putting it out in such a nonchalant way (+5). People have shown more panic/excitement blowing out birthday candles!!!

Constructors

Japan

Drivers

Wow! This week we have a real dilemma Di Grassi has given us without the most entertaining/incompetent crash/DNS we have seen this season, so do we give him five points for an entertaining crash or do we deduct five point for being a bit of a bellend whilst driving to the grid?

Solution both! This week he scores nothing, which you can see as a blessing or travesty. Which depends on whether your a glass is half full or a I’m going to smash this glass into the wall for no apparent reason, kind of person.

Kovi finishes the race in 12th the highest position any of the the A.D.U.T.A drivers have achieved this year and we all have a little cry and blame it on dust still floating around from Di Grassi’s crash.

Constructors

Korea

Drivers

The  A.D.U.T.A is slip sliding away as Kovi grabs another win, meaning that with only two races to go he has twice as many points as his nearest rival and could throw a sicky and watch daytime telly if he liked.

The track proved to be greener and wetter than a green wet thing which meant Di Grassi’s off was inevitable and therefore watching Captain Crash hit the barriers was pretty boring this time round. Fortunately for Virgin it did mean that an out of control Buemi hit Glock and as this ended his race (and sadly Timo’s too) and under our own rules for taking out a front (ish) runner he gets five points.

Trulli had yet another hydraulic failure so in a rule that is becoming almost as boring as the failures themselves he loses five points.

Constructors

Brazil

Drivers

We know we have had an all car finish this season but today was the closest we have come since. Unfortunately at his home race Di Grassi got confused someone said he needed to go to the garage and he went to the 24 hour to pick up some lollies and and a copy of Exchange and Mart meaning he finished 9 laps behind the leaders and was Not Classified (-5).

In a more worrying turn of events we think we have figured out why Klien is driving for HRT.

Yamamoto is paying for him to drive for the rest of the season so he is not listed as last in the championship. So this race Klien gets the 5 points and unless anything exciting happens in Abu Dhabi (fat chance) we will give him 5 points to to ensure Mr.Money doesn’t corrupt the A.D.U.T.A championship too. As much like Bernie we are the ringmasters of this circus bucko.

Constructors

Abu Dhabi

Drivers

Schumacher think its all over,  Liuzzi’s on the pitch, it is now.

For nearly separating Schumacher’s head from his shoulders but not actually separating  his head from his shoulders Liuzzi gets five bonus points as does Klien as we break our own rules in order to prevent Mr. Money (Yamamoto) from  buying his way out of ineptitude  (see Brazil).  Vettel is deducted five points for winning the drivers championship and crying like a baby, it was getting dark he was probably overtired.

In conclusion however Kovi once again takes to the top step of the Nodium*™ and secures not only the A.D.U.T.A 2010 Drivers Championship but  with 178pts it turns out he could of won the A.D.U.T.A 2010 Constructors Championship all by himself too.

Congratulations

Heikki Fireman Sam Kovalainen and Lotus Racing we salute and we have a trophy can we come and drop it off?

Constructors

*™ Totally Made-up